In our recent classes, we've been diving deep into the themes of worthiness, compassion, and self-love. Let’s be real: it’s hard not to feel like we’re not enough at times. In fact, a 2019 article in Psychology Today revealed a staggering truth — roughly 85% of people worldwide experience low self-esteem at some point in their lives. If you're among them, you're definitely not alone.
The Root of Our Feelings of Inadequacy
Many of us feel “less than” because of cultural pressures — social comparisons, perfectionism, external expectations, and the ever-present grind of the “growth culture” that insists we must always be striving to be our “best selves.” Society has conditioned us to believe that who we are right now simply isn’t enough.
At work, there’s constant pressure to be more productive, more efficient, and more innovative. Companies often set unrealistic performance expectations, believing this will keep us motivated and on our toes. As entrepreneurs, we find ourselves comparing our businesses to others’, convinced that everyone else has it figured out while we’re still “trying to catch up.”
Then there's the social media rabbit hole, where we're overwhelmed with curated snapshots of others' "perfection," often making us feel insufficient. The algorithm knows what to show us—ideal lifestyles, ideal bodies, ideal families, ideal travel, etc., etc... And even though we understand they're filtered, polished, and presented like this, we might unconsciously feel that we're somehow lacking.
Even when we look to social media for inspiration, such as ideas for healthy recipes or exercise routines, it often carries an underlying sense of comparison. Research indicates that too much exposure to health-related content online can heighten anxiety and depression, adding to the stress of keeping up with constantly changing and sometimes absurd wellness trends.
And let's not forget the even mmore impactful personal stuff—the times when those closest to us unintentionally (or not) make us feel less than. Maybe a parent, in their own way, made us feel like we weren't measuring up. Perhaps they teased us, set expectations we couldn't meet, or just didn't seem proud of us. Or perhaps it was the rejection of a romantic partner, maybe they were not kind and made us feel unworthy.These experiences can leave deep scars, making us question our worth.
The Dangers of Feeling 'Not Good Enough'
The truth is, low self-esteem isn't just a fleeting feeling; it has tangible consequences:
Increased Risk of Anxiety & Depression: People with low self-worth are more prone to mental health challenges, which can affect every area of life.
Higher Levels of Chronic Stress: Self-critical thoughts can lead to constant stress, which wreaks havoc on the body over time.
Decreased Resilience: Feeling inadequate makes it harder to bounce back from setbacks, leading to burnout and fatigue.
Negative Body Image: Media-imposed beauty ideals and continual comparisons can intensify dissatisfaction with our looks, heightening feelings of inadequacy. This can result in unhealthy relationships with ourselves, food, and exercise, and may even deter us from social or intimate interactions.
Relationship Strain: Low self-esteem can contribute to anxiety in relationships (romantic and friendly), leading to feelings of isolation and loneliness.
Tackling the Root Cause: Asking ‘Good Enough For What?’
So how do we begin to address this all-too-common struggle? How can we start to shift away from the culture of comparison and the pervasive feeling of inadequacy? The answer starts with a simple, yet powerful question: Good enough for what?
Let’s be honest: simply repeating affirmations like “I am good enough” might not always cut it — especially when it feels like there’s an endless list of things we still need to achieve.
Here’s the reality: You are ENOUGH right now, as you are. You don’t need to be perfect to be worthy of love, care, and respect.
But let's be honest - are you “good enough” to run a marathon today? Probably not — unless you’ve trained for it. Are you “good enough” to perform surgery right now? Most likely not. And that’s okay. We don’t need to meet every impossible standard, or be good at everything and anything— not yet or ever — to be worthy of love and acceptance.
You may not be good at something - but as a whole - you are enough. They are separate things. We are in a state of constant maturation. We learn to be good at things. It takes time. It takes practice. But no matter where we are in the learning curve - the truth remains - we are still worthy of love, acceptance, care, and respect.
Radical Self-Acceptance: A Revolutionary Act
So how do we practice radical self-acceptance? This is about embracing yourself fully, with all your imperfections and mistakes. It's recognizing that you are inherently worthy, just as you are, right now. It’s about practicing unconditional love for yourself — without judgment, without criticism. And it is just that - a practice! Most of us are not inherently good at this - we have to practice. It's a muscle we have to strengthen.
Practices for Cultivating Radical Self-Acceptance
Awareness: We can't change or improve what we don't see or know. Start by becoming aware of your thoughts. Pay attention to moments when you engage in negative self-talk. Gently redirect your attention to something more compassionate, like: "I may not be good at this right now, but that doesn't mean I am not worthy of love and kindness."
Challenge Negative Beliefs: We all have internalized beliefs that make us feel less than. Start questioning these beliefs. Where did they come from? Whose voice is this, anyway? Is it true? Working with a therapist to explore these core beliefs can be transformational.
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself like you would a friend. When you make mistakes, offer yourself the same kindness and understanding you’d extend to a loved one. Forgive yourself and encourage yourself to move on.
Embrace Your Imperfections: Perfection is overrated and unachievable. Imperfections make us unique and human, and accepting them as part of who we are can be liberating. Once you stop striving for the unattainable, you’ll realize how much more peace you can find. We all have shadow parts, but we also all have light. It makes us whole.
Self-Reflection and Journaling: Journaling serves as an excellent means for self-understanding and healing. A prompt I suggest for radical acceptance is to write about your strengths and what you and others appreciate about you. Concentrate on your talents, accomplishments, and areas for development. When you notice a tendency towards self-criticism, softly redirect your attention to this list of positive qualities.
Let Go of Comparison: The comparison game is exhausting and counterproductive. It is easy to say, "just stop measuring your worth against others, just don't do it." But it almost feels you would need blinders on not to. Instead, recognize when you are comparing, then see if you can shift the focus to your own progress and celebrate your unique journey. The only person you need to compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday.
Seek Support: If self-acceptance feels like an uphill battle, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor. They can help you identify and challenge deeply ingrained beliefs about your self-worth and provide practical tools to embrace radical self-acceptance. Also, be wise about who you spend time with. Prioritize being with people who lovingly accept you, flaws and all. Those who build you up, help you grow, and make you feel loved. Don't waste time with those who are not compassionate.
Celebrate Small Wins: Every step forward counts. Celebrate your growth — no matter how small. Whether it’s letting go of an old limiting belief or choosing to speak kindly to yourself after a mistake, these moments matter. If you journal, make sure you're putting your wins in there too. Not just journaling about the hard times.
The Takeaway
“The antidote to not feeling good enough is self-acceptance.”
Radical self-acceptance is not a one-time fix; it’s a continuous practice, it's a journey. It takes time, patience, and persistence, but the more you practice, the more it will become second nature. Remember: you are enough, just as you are. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone, least of all yourself.
Let’s choose self-love today. You are worthy, you are enough, and you are deserving of kindness and compassion.
With love,
Amy Fitta
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